Friday, July 29, 2011

My Friday Buddy

Peanut -

Fridays continue to be a painful reminder of how empty my days are - my life is - without you.  Working from home every Friday and getting to run errands, have breakfast and lunch, watch Nick Jr. and play on the floor with you was the highlight of my week.  Every single week.

I loved bundling you up in the chilly weather to run out in the morning for a cup of coffee before the day officially started.  Or waking you up from your morning nap to watch Yo Gabba Gabba and share a grilled cheese.  And you were always a willing Oprah viewer, perched on the couch next to me (unlike the other men in this household!).

Your absence hit me like a slap in the face this morning.  I jumped in the car to run an errand and grab some lunch.  About 15 minutes into the trip I caught myself talking to you and looking for you in the rearview mirror so we could share a laugh and a silly face.  But...there was no Peanut.  No giant, toothy grin.  No blue eyes staring back at me.  Even your Cowmooflage car seat is gone.  Just emptiness.

I've been told and have read that grief is incredibly lonely.  Up until today, I didn't agree with that statement because we've been surrounded and supported by loving friends and family.  But today.  This was the loneliest day of my life.  Because it truly hit me that my Peanut Fridays are never coming back.  There will be other Fridays with other kids and people, but they will never be the same.  Nor should they be.  

I love that we had those Fridays.  The memories, pictures and stories captured in those days reflect some of the best moments of my life.  Special Peanut and Momma days that further reinforced the amazing, strong, loving bond we had, and will have for eternity.  I love you my special little Nutbrown Hare.  To the moon and back.

- Momma

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