Crack-uuh! Bi-buh!

Peanut -

Dadda and I were laughing over dinner tonight, reminiscing about your love of all types of crackers,  while I ate some oyster crackers.  You loved crackers so much that cracker - actually, "crack-uuh" - became one of your first words.  Yes, in typical Mulholland fashion, you chose a food product as one of your first words!

"Crack-uuh" was an all-inclusive descriptor for you.  It could mean Goldfish, graham crackers, saltines, Townhouse Flipsides, Ritz crackers...yes, the list could go on and on and on.  Peanut, I honestly don't think you ever met a cracker you didn't adore.  I would give you a little pile of crackers to snack on, and as soon as it vanished you would tug on my leg, "Crack-uuh! Crack-uuh?  Crack-uuh?!"  Yes, I always complied.  Happily.

Another one of you first words was "Bi-buh."  It took Dadda and I a little while to figure that one out.  You would stand by our wall of bookshelves, patiently trying to pry my books out for what seemed like hours.  While in the midst of that effort, you would point to each book on the various shelves and say "Bi-buh."  Then you'd look at me and smile, "See Momma?  I get it!"  Dadda and I were mystified.  Especially when you started saying it after pointing at DVDs on our movie shelves.

I finally shared this new, odd word with my mom, who just started laughing.  She led me into their kitchen, and pointed to a Connor-eye-level bookshelf.  A shelf full of Bibles.  Ooooohhhhhhhhhhh....In Peanut's world, every book (and anything that looked like a book) was a "bi-buh!"

Peanut, these are the small things.  The little, but truly meaningful memories and stories about you that make me smile every day.  I am soooooo terribly afraid of forgetting the details.  I'm amazed and scared by the power of the human memory to fade and photoshop memories - both painful and beautiful ones, without discrimination.  It is with renewed vigor that I try to remember and capture these memories before the dulling effect becomes more pronounced.

I love and cherish you, your memories, the smiles I find in these stories, and every beautiful ripple created by your Peanut Effect.  Sending you a giant kiss in heaven...and another one here on earth via your Froggies.  They miss you very much.  We all do.  To the moon and back, sweet boy.

- Momma