Tomorrow is August 1. Unbelievable. Another month has passed. Another month without you. Before we know it, September will be here and we'll be into "Peanut season." That is how I'll always think about fall, since you were born in September, and the only months we got to repeat with you were the fall months. Two Halloweens. Two Thanksgivings. Two Christmas and New Year's celebrations.
I am dreading this fall. It's going to be full of painful milestones. Yet, also filled with anticipation as your little sibling grows day-by-day in Momma's belly. The Bean is due January 17, 2012. Just days before your Angel Anniversary. My heart is very conflicted about this information. Part of me thinks it will be healing to have a new life to give us hope as we struggle through that painful first anniversary. Part of me is worried about the new baby being witness to far too much sadness so early in life. Are we pinning too many hopes and dreams on this new little life? Is the Bean feeling my sadness every day in the womb? I hope not...I am really trying to let the Bean know there is love and happiness surrounding him or her, every moment of every day.
Peanut, I watched every video we have of you today. It was so awe-inspiring to hear you, watch your expressions, hear your laughter again. To see how quickly you grew, and how your gentle spirit and immense intelligence infused every look, every action. Watching those videos really convinced me...you were our angel. You still are. Oh gosh...I miss you so much it's overwhelming. To the moon and back, sweet Peanut.