First things first. Yes, I borrowed lyrics from George Michael to create tonight's blog title. Appropriate? Maybe, maybe not. Catchy? Definitely!
So, I've been talking to a lot of different people recently about faith. In particular, my belief that I see signs from you everywhere, all the time. And my belief that you played a huge part in us getting pregnant so quickly. With twins. And, my strong belief that you are still very present, observing us every day. That it is my responsibility to make you proud. And, in particular, my belief that I am going to see you again.
These are the beliefs I choose to have faith in. This faith makes me feel more connected to you every day. It helps my heart heal. It gets me out of bed. It helps me choose to live, not just survive.
As I talk to people who question their faith in signs, afterlife, heaven, etc. I get it. I've been in that same place. It was only in the face of the tragic, horrible loss of you that I found my current faith. Because I needed it. For people and parents who have faced a loss similar to ours, who aren't sure what they believe in, I desperately hope they find something to hang on to that brings them peace and healing. I will never, ever say that anyone should subscribe to my personal beliefs. But, everyone needs to have faith in something.
Peanut, I am thankful for the signs. The faith. For you. I've included a picture tonight of a very special froggy. He jumped through our kitchen window one night after I asked for a sign from you. A sign I so desperately needed. We were lucky to convince him to pose for some poorly lit photos. I love this froggy, because I know he was sent by you. My Peanut. Who I love more than I ever could have imagined. How much, you ask? To the moon and back!