Momma had an awkward moment today. I ran into someone at work who I haven't seen or spoken to in over a year. The last she knew, I was a relatively new Momma. So, when I ran into her in the hallway, her first questions were, "How is motherhood? Are you just loving it? How old is your little one now?!"
And I just stood there.
Cue the crickets. <chirp chirp>
I looked down at the floor. Then at the beautiful ring I wear with your initials. Back at the floor. <deep breath> "Actually, my little boy passed away unexpectedly in January."
Cue the crickets on steroids. <CHIRP CHIRP>
"Oh god. I...am so sorry. I had no idea. What you must have been through...oh god..."
Peanut, I tried to reassure her it was OK, there was no reason she should have known, I'm sorry I had to tell her this way. But, I didn't have much additional strength to comfort her. The impact of that interaction was crippling for me. I've been so sheltered for the last 5 months - everyone I've interacted with has known about your loss. I was unprepared for that encounter today.
I'm sure there was a better way for me to handle that situation. What that might have looked like, I honestly don't know. But, it's something I'm going to consider for the future. How can I make those conversations kinder and gentler for everyone involved? While still honoring you and your beautiful, joyful memory?
Sweet boy, I miss you so much. It's Tuesday night...a reminder of the last time I got to hold and hug you, and get some Peanut love in return. I can't believe it will be the 26th again in just a few days...5 months. It feels like yesterday, it feels like forever. But, no matter what I love you. More and more with each passing day. And, to the moon and back!
- Momma
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