Tonight I choose to be thankful. I choose to look at the amazing connections and events that have touched our lives over the last several years and the last 5 months. In your conception, birth and short life, you brought our family so much joy and brought us closer together. You brought Momma patience, a new sense of priorities and inner peace. In your loss you have brought a community together. You have brought many people a new sense of appreciation for their families, blessings and life itself. For me, a step back to truly evaluate what kind of life I want - I need - to live to honor you.
One of the most amazing blessings to emerge over the last 5 months is a reconnection with so many wonderful friends who have been impacted by your story. They have surrounded our family as a constant, loving, supportive presence. Peanut, I don't know how to thank them. Not only have they provided me and our family with kindness and grace, they have taught me how to be a better friend.
I have struggled with feelings of guilt over looking for the good - the blessings - that have touched us since your loss. But, I'm beginning to realize it is my need, my ability, to find the blessings that is saving me from being bitter, twisted and angry. I feel your gentle little Peanut hand guiding my heart in this direction. The Peanut Effect, in full effect.
Speaking of thankful, Peanut, I am forever, overwhelmingly thankful for you. For all the gifts you bestowed upon me in your too short time on earth...and for your visits and your continued presence these last several months. You will always be here with us, with me, helping me be a better Momma. And I will always read to you before bed and say good-night with a hug, kiss and a big "I love you - to the moon and back!"