Thursday, June 16, 2011

Dance Machine!

Oh Peanut -

How I wish you'd grown to be old enough to watch and love the show "Glee."  The show actually debuted right after you were born, and I watched it every week, picturing how much fun we would have watching it together...dancing and singing.  Tonight is the first time since January that I've been brave enough to watch it, and I'm shocked...the show is bringing me a tremendous amount of happiness.  The absence of you is hanging over my head like a little cloud, but more than that, I am reminded of how much you adored music and the light it brought to your face.  With every song, I see you dancing your little bob-up-and-down dance, giant smile on your face, giggles filling the room.  And, one of the best parts of a Peanut dance-break?  The constant check-in for Momma or Dadda approval.  Funny, and heartbreakingly sweet.  The check-in captures everything about the Essence of Peanut - your primary goal was to make sure everyone else was laughing.

Peanut, Momma's fragile, ragged heart is feeling extra-broken tonight.  I am trying especially hard to hang on to the joy, peace and love you brought to my soul.  To allow the wonderful memories of you to wash over me and bring smiles instead of anger.  And, more than anything, to remind me to give grace.  (Breathe Momma...just breathe...)

Included with tonight's post is a video I simply adore.  Welcome to Peanut The Dance Machine.  This video is...100% happiness.  Sweet, precious baby boy, I miss you tremendously and love the moon and back!

- Momma

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