Today was a hard, hard day. I cried for you off and on all day, beginning in the shower, through my morning commute, at my desk, in my office, in the bathroom, on the drive home...sounds a little bit like a very sad Dr. Seuss book. Dadda asked if anything in particular triggered it today, and I realized, no. Just the passing of time. The hard driving reality of life without you. Your little life and personality frozen at 16.5 months. All the heart-breakingly beautiful memories we created and all the experiences we will never get to have with you. So, I have decided to give you a letter to pass along to the "right people" in heaven. Here goes.
To Whom It May Concern -
I'm sure you've already realized what a very special, amazing addition heaven received when Peanut joined you on January 26 of this year. I also suspect you've realized by now that you made a giant mistake. It wasn't his time, because he had so many wonderful things left to do here on earth. He was so happy, healthy, funny, and loving - the world truly doesn't have enough pure souls like his making this a better place. I swear I will never understand why you had to take him now. If I could negotiate with you or plead my case, I would. I want my little boy back. Plain and simple. But, since that's impossible, I'd like to ask that you make sure he gets to experience the following things this summer, because these are the things he should be doing with me. And, I know he would love every moment of each activity -
Chase and kick a ball
Swing from a perfect tree branch
Run after lightning bugs
Pet a dog
Eat with a spoon
Try ice cream
Say, "I love you Momma"
Come visit me a few times...butterflies, froggies, rainbows, etc.
Sleep in a big boy bed with a pillow
Jump into the deep end of the pool
Sing Itsy-Bitsy Spider all on his own
Dance to ANYTHING with a decent groove
And, can you make sure he he gets to watch The Backyardigans every once in a while? At least the theme song? Thank you. With love and appreciation. - Peanut's Momma
Peanut, I might add to this list from time to time. It doesn't feel like too much to ask, does it? Let me know if there is anything special you want me to request. I'll continue to take care of reading to you at night, since "Guess How Much I Love You" is still our special book. You know why? Yep, that's right my little Nutbrown Hare. Because I love you - to the mooooooooon and back.
- Momma
Hey again - I commented once (in March?) and have continued to keep up with your blog. I've never met you or your son, but I had to tell you that today you both came into my life again. I was in a kids store buying a gift for a friend, when I looked up at a frame on the wall...I am not making this up, it said "I Love You To the Moon and Back." I thought about buying it and mailing it you, but since I don't know you I was so scared it might make you cry - to be honest, it brought tears to my own eyes because I thought of you and your son. I wanted to tell you this because your words continue to affect the lives of people clear across the country, people you've never met. Sending you so much love!
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