We went to the Cards/Royals game tonight with another couple and their wonderful, sweet little 9-month old son. He was actually born almost exactly one year after you, and we had imagined raising the two of you side-by-side. The thought had always been that we would go to a Cards game like tonight with the two of you in tow. Or, we would hang out at the pool while you both learned to swim. And we would celebrate holidays together while you two kept each other entertained. All our well-laid plans...
While I know you were at the game with us, the physical presence of just their little boy, and the lack of my Peanut, drove home how much I am missing you. It also made me appreciate and love this couple for sharing their son with us...with me. For not treating me like I'm contagious. For allowing me to hold him, love on him, and to exercise my Momma muscle for an evening. Experiencing him and all his 9-month gooey, awesome goodness was like living last summer all over again. What an amazing, awe-inspiring age...9-months is pure magic. To watch him discovering different foods, his various smiles and emotions, the wonder of his fingers and hands. Joy!
It was also heart-warming to sit back and observe his parents. To see how well they work together, as a team, brings a smile to my face. And, to watch how their love of this little son of theirs has transformed them both, individually and as a couple, is amazing. Already wonderful people, they are now truly in their element...selfless and glowing with love. I'm not sure they see it...I'm not sure if most of us see it when we're in the "parenting trenches" but I pledge to remind them and others. We need to step back and turn the mirror on ourselves every once in a while. Truly see what this thing called parenthood has meant to our lives, how it has transformed us as individuals, how priorities have changed, and how it makes everything in life just seem...better. More meaningful.
Peanut, I don't have you here to touch, hug and hold, but I have you here in my heart. My mind. My memories. I am still "Peanut's Momma" and will be forever. And you truly do make everything better. More meaningful. I love you so much, Nutbrown Hare. To the moon and back.