Four months ago, fragile was a word I only used to describe delicate, breakable items. Like glass vases or crystal champagne flutes. Never could I have imagined what a new, different meaning that word would take on for me in 2011. Fragile now describes my view of life. Of love and family. Of me. Of everything I used to take for granted. Everything that seemed so...certain.
There are days when the delicate exterior I present to the world starts to crack, crumble thanks to a tiny "ping" from something totally unexpected. But, within the fragility I am hoping to discover a spine of steel. I've seen glimpses of it recently, often with the help of signs and joyful memories from you, my sweet Peanut. Always thanks to the love of Dadda, our friends, family and the community that has surrounded us. The Peanut Superglue that continues to fix the Momma Vase.
For anyone who has friends working through their own personal tragedies, just know they want to feel "normal" sometimes. I know the first conversation is the hardest, but don't shy away. And be prepared for them to bring their emotion to the table. Their tears exist because they love so deeply. I know for me, personally, there is nothing I crave more than being allowed to talk about my Peanut, and to hear all the funny stories my friends have to share about their own children. Even if it brings some tears, it also fills me with a sense of happiness.
I adore the sheer joy I see in every picture of you, Peanut. It shines through - along with your obvious love of the camera and the Momma behind it! When I'm feeling particularly fragile, I have certain pictures that make my heart glow. I've shared one of those magical pictures today.
While my heart and soul have ached for you in a particularly painful way today, the expansive reach of your Peanut Effect continues to awe, inspire and amaze me. I love you Peanuckle, to the moooooooon and back!