Turning 39...

Peanut -

I was always an "old" Momma because I had you after I turned 35.  But, once we got pregnant with you, and successfully had this wonderful, perfect little man, I thought we were in the safe zone.  Especially after you passed the 12-month mark.  Never, ever, did I think I would face my 39th birthday without you.  It's tomorrow.

Last year we celebrated my birthday with Grandma and Grandpa at Cafe Napoli.  It was a sunny, warm weekend and I was so sunburned!  I still have the lovely Lilly Pulitzer scarf and overnight bag Grandpa and Grandpa gave me, and I remember the ivory shirt I wore with the silk bow.  You sat right between me and Grandpa and tried a little pasta, even though you were only 9-months old.  Pasta was deeeeeeeeelicious!  And messy.  But watching the delight on your face with each bite was totally worth the mess.

It makes me think of the day I was asked - would you do it all again if you knew you would lose him?  And, here is my answer, in the form of Garth Brooks (thanks to our doctor):

Looking back on the memory of 
The dance we shared beneath the stars above 
For a moment all the world was right 
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye 
And now I'm glad I didn't know 
The way it all would end the way it all would go 
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain 
But I'd of had to miss the dance 
Holding you I held everything 
For a moment wasn't I the king 
But if I'd only known how the king would fall 
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all 
And now I'm glad I didn't know 
The way it all would end the way it all would go 
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain 
But I'd of had to miss the dance 
Yes my life is better left to chance 
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance 


I wouldn't trade the dance for anything in this world or the next.  Peanut, thank you for giving some of the best moments of my life so far.  I love you, to the moon and back.

- Momma