Friday, April 22, 2011

Present Time vs. Peanut Time

Peanut -

Like a bolt of lightning, I realized today...I have no idea what I missed.  You were my first and only child.  (For now...?)  I can read books, newsletters and other publications explaining your next milestones, but nothing can help me experience them.  Every new gesture, laugh, word, expression was life changing for me.  And, for you.  What was next???  Gosh, we'll never know.

I am simply heartbroken as a I make this connection.  While I had the gift of a day off - a Friday - from work today, I kept picturing what we would have done 3 months ago instead of what we should be doing in present time.  With you being close to 20 months, how would you have changed?  And, how do I know what I don't know?

Included in this post is a video that exemplifies the joy - zest - for life I found in you, my Peanut.  It was taken almost a year ago. You came so far in that following year, but there was always the same smile, laughter and determination in your spirit.  Reasons you were so transformational.  Why you were my everything.

I long for the Peanut I miss and the Peanut I never got to know.  <sigh...>  I cherish you.  Hoping to see you in my dreams.  To the moooooooooon and back.

Love -

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