Would You Know My Name?

Peanut -

I stumbled across Eric Clapton's song, "Tears in Heaven" today and it stopped me in my tracks.  Even though I've heard the song hundreds of times, it was always in a different context, a different frame of mind.  The lyrics so resonated with me, but I really didn't know the story behind the song.  Only after hitting up Google did I discover he wrote the song during his own grieving process for his 4 1/2 year-old son - Conor.  Apparently his son died in a freak accident, falling out of a high rise condo window over 40 stories to his death.  Clapton had just spent the night before with him at the circus - their first ever outing just the two of them.

It's interesting because I have wondered his same question myself...will you know me when we meet up again?  What if I'm old and changed and not the Momma you knew on earth?  Hmmmm...I think you are still with me every day, though.  You see every new day, every change, every smile and tear and I'm pretty sure you will know me in an instant.

I worked from home today, just like I used to every Friday with you.  Nothing feels "right" on Friday anymore.  I've tried going in to the office, I've tried taking the day off.  But, I've had to come to terms with the fact that this change in routine, more than any other, is the most difficult.  Because these were OUR days, just you and me.  A huge portion of the pictures I took of you were snapped on Friday afternoons while we were hanging out and mostly while you were sitting in your high chair having a snack.  You grew to know and love the camera, and would totally ham it up for me.  I've included two of those hilarious pictures with today's post because...well...they just make me smile.

And, to quote the very wise Mr. Clapton:

I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Thanks for the big, toothy grins, my Peanut.  I love you to the moon and back

- Momma