Saturday, April 2, 2011

Henry, let me tell you about Peanut...

Peanut -

I sat in our side yard this afternoon with Henry The Puppy, soaking in the sunshine and warm breeze.  While we lounged and snuggled, I told him all about you.  I explained you were supposed to be Henry's best friend and that you were supposed to grow up together.  That on days like today, you were supposed to be the one throwing baseballs for him to fetch.  You should be the one loving on him and enjoying his puppy kisses.  And, even though there might be other kids in our future, Henry will always be your dog.  He understood and nuzzled my tears with his wet nose.  Puppy love.

I also found out one of my very good friends is pregnant today.  Her due date is September 13...just one day after your birthday.  I know it was so hard for her to share her wonderful, happy news with me but I couldn't be more thrilled.  What would make it even better? If she had her baby on your birthday.  What a wonderful, Peanut honor!  It makes me hope all my friends understand that while I've lost you - my soul and heart - I still adore their children and hear about their progress.  Something I probably need to be better about communicating.

Last spring Dadda took some pictures with you and Spencer, our old golden retriever.  We lost him a few weeks later, and fully planned to share these pictures with you when you got older.  We couldn't have imagined you would be gone too come this spring.  What's interesting is how much Henry The Puppy looks like Spencer.  I look back at these pictures and can imagine you playing with Henry.  You learned how to say "hi kittah kahhhh" before we lost you, but I'm not sure what you would say to Henry.  I imagine it would sound something like "hi PUH-piii!" with a giant smile, hand clap and laugh.  Hopefully you come visit him and share some of your Peanut love.  Henry needs to know you.

I miss reading to you.  Maybe I'll read "Guess How Much I Love You" to your empty crib tonight.  In the meantime, I love the moon and back.

- Momma


  1. Your words are so filled with emotional, I feel your agony in every word. May you find Peace...and yes Joy somehow, somewhere. Thinking of you and feeling your sorrow through your words, I cry with you. just remember you are NEVER alone.

  2. Henry and Connor know one another....I'm sure of it....

  3. Hugs to you my friend. Spencer and Connor are playing fetch together in heaven and I bet they come for a visit and fun with Henry. I hope you get another visit too. I pray for that every night. I say "please God, send him to them" I say it over and over until I fall asleep. I can't even begin to imagine your pain. I just pray and pray for you and Shaun. I love you all so much!!