I got to hold a little boy again tonight. He's almost exactly one year younger than you, and a happy, funny, spirited little guy. Very much reminds me of you. Seeing him, holding him, laughing with him - how wonderful. It warmed my heart. We also got to spend an evening with his very special parents, who were already amazing and have been transformed by their role as parents. Again, it reminded me a lot of us.
Today started as a horrible reminder of how much we have lost, but throughout the day I was buffered and supported by so many loving friends. By the end of the day I found myself feeling...thankful? I'm not sure if that's the word I'm searching for, but it will do for now. In your time on earth and now without us you have made me rethink my priorities and consider what it is I truly need, value and at the very core, what kind of person I want to be. What a legacy, my Peanut.
It's late, and I want to go to sleep with these warm thoughts. As I think back to our time together and the time I got to spend with that little boy tonight, I remember this more than anything. Every time I held you, all you wanted to do was touch foreheads. So, we would bump our heads together, then we'd stare up at each other. Then you would break into a giant, head-thrown-back laugh. In the split seconds that our eyes met, I swear our souls touched. Which is why I miss you so much now.
To the moon and back, Peanut. I love you.
- Momma
Simply beautiful post. Through your writing I can see your pain and joy all at the same time. I'm just a complete stranger following your story and hoping for peace in your heart.
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