Today was a beautiful, sunny, spring day. Tuesday again. And it's the 12th. You would have been 19-months old today. While the last two days have been desperately sad, this morning I saw the sun, felt the warm breeze, took a deep breath and realized...today is a good day. And I smiled while looking at a picture of you from 1-year ago (included in the post). This day has been filled with happy memories of you, and I've seen/experienced signs of you everywhere. I asked - prayed - for a very specific sign from you yesterday, and I got it today. Oh, my baby, you have filled my heart today.
Yesterday, a very wise, kind co-worker of mine came by my office to visit while in town from Charlotte, NC. He has a counseling background, and just happened to be in St. Louis the day we lost you. He supported my team through their grief and then helped them navigate mine. This was his first time seeing me, and rather than try to be full of advice and counsel, he simply gave me a hug and said, "Just keep breathing. That's all. Just breathe." And then he left for the meeting that brought him to St. Louis. What a perfect thing to say. It seems so simple, but really, on the hard days that's what it's about.
Tonight I am thankful for the good days. I just gave you and your froggies a kiss goodnight, with a little whisper to your crib, "I love you sweetie - to the moon and back..." And here is one giant air kiss to heaven - MWAAAHHHH!