I find so much happiness in sharing funny stories about you and laughing while I picture your terrific smile and hear your giggles in my head. It helps to keep you present in my mind and heart. Hopefully, it does the same for others.
This weekend Dadda and I visited grandma and grandpa, who have been just devastated by your loss. But we were able to share a huge laugh over how, in the last few weeks of your life, changing your diaper and getting you dressed had become a two-man job, requiring skill and speed! (And much Peanut distraction.) The diaper change itself wasn't the issue. It was getting you 1) back into your clothes and 2) keeping them on you. You'd already pretty much figured out how to whip off your socks and shoes...usually before we could get them both on your wiggly little feet. But the pants. Well, I was unprepared for that. I would no sooner get one leg into your pants than you'd have them off and thrown halfway across the room! And you would give me this look like, "How in the heck did THAT happen?!" Then there was the afternoon that Dadda went in to wake you from a nap and he found you in your crib, diaper and shirt on, pants and socks GONE. You were fully dressed when I put you in there!
Several people have shared a poem with me titled, "God's Lent Child." I've been unable to read and appreciate it until recently. I've shared it below as it has provided a strange sense of peace and hope for me this week.
Until then, my darling, wonderful Little Man, I love you and know you're still watching us. To the moon and back. And some air kisses - Mwah! Mwah!
GOD'S LENT CHILD
I'll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said
for you to love while he lives and mourn for when he's dead,
He may be six or seven years or thirty two or three,
but will you till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief,
You'll always have his memories as a solace in your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, for all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below, I want this child to learn
I've looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the folk that crowd life's lane, I have chosen you
Now will you give him all your love and not think the labour vain
Nor hate me when I come to take, this lent child back again
I fancy that I heard them say 'Dear God, Thy will be done'
For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we'll run
We will shield him with tenderness and love him while we may
and for all happiness we've known will ever grateful stay
But should the angels call him much sooner than we'd planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.