Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Gift of...Memories

Peanut -

Today Momma received one of the best, most precious gifts imaginable.  Over 150 pictures of you that I have never seen before, never knew existed, but are from days and events that I remember.  Some with my own very specific set of images and memories, and some that, despite my best efforts to remember every detail of every day, had actually begun to fade.  But now...oh, the joy!

Is it possible to gain a whole set of new memories around events that happened almost a year ago?  Maybe, maybe not.  Or, possibly "memory" isn't the most accurate word.  Regardless, what my mind and heart feel at this moment is nothing short of pure, utter delight.  Almost as if I've been given a few extra moments of life, of time, with you.

I was worried these pictures would bring tears of sorrow and loss, so I waited until I was safely home, secure in the bedroom with my laptop, to view each picture.  Over and over and over again.  And, yes, there were tears.  But these were different.  These were tears mixed with laughter, smiles, love, and brand new, powerful memories.

My plan for the rest of this evening?  To spend time with these photos, remembering. Telling stories to you and The Bean.  Allowing myself the space to laugh and cry.  The space to miss you while being thankful for every memory of every wonderful minute I had with you.  Oh Peanut...I miss you so very much.  And, love you more than words or stories can convey.  To the moon and back, sweetie!

- Momma

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