Momma got her geek on tonight and started reading articles about all the planned changes coming soon to Facebook profile pages. They are implementing a new format titled Facebook Timeline and it has Momma spun into a bit of a panic.
You see, Peanut, over the last 8 months I've been able to control (to some degree) when I'm faced with pictures and timeline reminders of you. I consciously open memory books, peruse iPhoto, smell your clothes, look back at old e-mails about you, on my terms, my timeline. On the occasions when those reminders pop up out of nowhere, it has felt like a giant kick in the gut.
And now...argh...Facebook is stripping me of that power. That false sense of control. Now they are going to force me to be faced with a lifelong scrapbook of events, focusing on those their algorithm determines to be the most impactful, important. The highs, the lows, the loves and the losses. The losses. Or, in my case, The Loss.
I like the immediacy of the current Facebook format. Seeing what is happening in the here and now of people's lives - my life - is comforting. To have to face that timeline every day, that reminder of all we've lost in the last year, is so hurtful. So harsh. So unnecessary.
It seems the new format is going to roll out over the next several week. And, it is not optional. What is optional, however, is Momma's participation in Facebook. More to come...
Sweet Peanut, I love you, your pictures, memories and stories of you. But, I want, I need, the ability to control the flood of emotions that come with all those memories when I'm awake. Sleep is a different story. Right now, I'm getting ready for bed and praying for Peanut Dreams. I hope to feel your hugs and little monkey toes in my dreams, and to imagine a world where you are still here. Missing you so very much. I love you - to the moon and back.