Sunday, September 4, 2011

Active Bean, Active Peanut

Peanut -

Your little sibling, The Bean, is one active baby!  Just like you were...maybe even more.  Are you giving The Bean lessons???  Here we are, at 20 weeks, and this tyke has the kicking strength of a professional athlete!  While it can take my breath away with the force, it is also so reassuring.  Momma has been living in fear throughout this pregnancy...obsessed with the "what ifs."  But feeling the life-force of this baby exert itself through kicks and somersaults is calming.  And it brings back so many wonderful memories.

Peanut, I remember feeling you kick at this stage in the pregnancy, and it was like our little secret.  No one else could feel your kicks, or see the "thump thump thump" of my tummy.  It was just you and me, speaking our private little language.  I loved you, craved you, before I even knew for sure I was pregnant, but once I could actually feel you....whoa.  My love became intense, fierce.  I knew I would fight the world for you.  I would die for you.  I wish I had died instead of you.  Because the world desperately needs a loving, generous spirit like yours.

Sweet boy, I hope you understand my love for The Bean.  I hope when you hear me talking to my tummy, and telling stories about you, singing songs, and making future plans, it in no way replaces you.  Because, you see, you are here in every moment.  You are the catalyst for this journey.  You are my lighthouse, my beacon.  My heart.

I am sending you love, and memories, and lost dreams, and hopes for the moment I get to see you again.  My amazing, wonderful Super Peanut.  To the moon and back...

- Momma

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