Friday, October 21, 2011

Momma Muscle Memory

Peanut -

Sometimes I forget what a little boy, rather than a "baby," you had grown into last fall and winter.  I quickly remember your hugs, laughter and smiles, but I don't always as easily recall your little boy-isms.  Your intense focus, fascination with figuring out all buttons and knobs, ability to discover patterns between colors and sounds, and your amazing fine motor skills.

All those memories came flooding back today, thanks to an adorable, sweet, smiling little 15-month old girl named Claire.  She was in the waiting room at Momma's doctor's office, and became an instant playmate to Momma.  Within 5 minutes of taking a seat, I had a little blonde friend at my knee wanting to play peek-a-boo.  One of your favorite games.  She then pointed out her bright orange Halloween shirt, covered in cute black spiders.  Momma sang your favorite hand-motion song - Itsy Bitsy Spider - and little Claire watched in fascination, trying to mimic the hand motions.  She toddled off periodically, with her own version of your penguin walk, always to bring a new toy or item over to Momma.  She sat down with a telephone toy and quickly taught herself that each button had a purpose, a pattern, a sound.  Totally something you would have done with that same toy.  And then...she laughed.  It was musical.  Magical.  It was you.

And Momma's heart sang.  No tears.  No sadness  No bitterness.  Just delight.

Peanut, I swear I felt you in that waiting room today.  On occasion, it seemed Claire was looking over me, beyond me - almost as if she were seeing you.  It wouldn't surprise Momma.  I do believe children have a special connection, a sense, an openness, that allows a stronger connection with feelings, emotion, spirituality, than we skeptical adults allow ourselves.

This little, sweet girl brought so many "everyday" memories back to Momma today, it felt like a tidal wave.  She allowed me to re-tap into all I loved about you.  All I loved about being a Momma.  All I look forward to with The Bean.

Loving and remembering the little things tonight.  And sending you our own special version of "Itsy Bitsy Spider."  To the moon and back!

- Momma

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