Momma has been trying to get mentally prepared to survive the upcoming holiday season...beginning with Halloween. So far, the prep work has been going extraordinarily well. So well, in fact, that I've been giving myself some premature "momma props." That is, until tonight when I came face-to-face with a stack of catalogs innocently waiting for me at the foot of our bed.
The standard-issue baby, holiday, costume catalogs are no big deal. I've been negotiating those since January. With the expected arrival of Baby Bean, I've actually started enjoying those catalogs again. I'm able to focus on the newborn/infant sections and remove the painful emphasis from the items that would be suited to you.
But tonight...a new catalog arrived. One I never asked for, subscribed to, shopped with before, or visited.
(Cue the shower scene music from Psycho.)
And I couldn't tear myself away from it. All 52 pages of it. Only four of which are geared towards infants (and you owned most of the toys on those pages). The majority of the items in this mailer are designed for children ages 1 1/2 - 3 years old. Exactly where my Peanut should be. I should be seeing you play with these items. I should be ordering them for you, for Christmas. The little boys in the catalog photos should be YOU.
The Grow-With-Me Workshop. Dough Activity Center. Cars Shake 'N Go Grand Prix. Play My Way Customizable Play Center. I would give my life 100 times over to see you play with one of these items, just once.
Damn you, Fisher-Price marketing executives. Damn you!
File this under "Stuff You Can't Anticipate." These are the items, the moments, that shut everything down. That shut Momma down. And make me miss you in a way that feels like January 26, all over again.
Missing your smile, your joy, your light, your energy, your love. More than ever. To the moon and back, sweet Peanut.