Thursday, October 6, 2011

A Froggy In Peanut's Clothing

Peanut -

Dadda brought home a wonderful surprise last night.  A gift for Momma that brought tears of remembrance, emptiness, happiness, loss, and love.  What was this amazing present?

In short, it was a froggy.  But not just any froggy.  A froggy made out of some of your favorite clothes.  Clothes that still seem to carry some of your magic.  I held this froggy and somehow it felt like holding you again.  I hugged him, and almost felt you hugging me back.  I breathed him in, and swear I could hear a faint whisper of "Momma..."  I slept with him by my side last night and I dreamed of you.

Seeing this earnest, smiling little green frog outfitted in your old clothes has been heart and mind-stopping.  To see your old Gap crawler shorts now repurposed as froggy hands and a froggy face, and your favorite little sleeper serving as his body has really driven home a powerful point.  I will never again see you in those clothes.  Despite all my hopes and dreams, all the wonderful, happy memories, these clothes now have a second, different, non-Peanut life.  Instead, they now live on as a reminder of you.  In honor of you.

Peanut, I guess we could leave all your special outfits in a bin, or a drawer or a cedar chest for the rest of our lives.  But, I would rather look at this froggy every day and think of you.  Some days I am sure he will bring tears, other days smiles and laughter.  But, no matter what, every day he will bring me a little piece of you.

And that, my sweet Peanut, is priceless.  Sending you love, hugs and kisses - to the moon and back.

- Momma

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