Dadda brought home a wonderful surprise last night. A gift for Momma that brought tears of remembrance, emptiness, happiness, loss, and love. What was this amazing present?
In short, it was a froggy. But not just any froggy. A froggy made out of some of your favorite clothes. Clothes that still seem to carry some of your magic. I held this froggy and somehow it felt like holding you again. I hugged him, and almost felt you hugging me back. I breathed him in, and swear I could hear a faint whisper of "Momma..." I slept with him by my side last night and I dreamed of you.
Seeing this earnest, smiling little green frog outfitted in your old clothes has been heart and mind-stopping. To see your old Gap crawler shorts now repurposed as froggy hands and a froggy face, and your favorite little sleeper serving as his body has really driven home a powerful point. I will never again see you in those clothes. Despite all my hopes and dreams, all the wonderful, happy memories, these clothes now have a second, different, non-Peanut life. Instead, they now live on as a reminder of you. In honor of you.
Peanut, I guess we could leave all your special outfits in a bin, or a drawer or a cedar chest for the rest of our lives. But, I would rather look at this froggy every day and think of you. Some days I am sure he will bring tears, other days smiles and laughter. But, no matter what, every day he will bring me a little piece of you.
And that, my sweet Peanut, is priceless. Sending you love, hugs and kisses - to the moon and back.
- Momma
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