I catch glimpses of you everywhere. Everywhere I am. Everywhere I look. I see you peeking from around a corner, popping your head up over a desk, always with that amazing, sunshine smile on your face. Sometimes I imagine I can even hear your laugh. No matter what, you are always looking at me, just me, and there is an implied, "Hi Momma!" in your presence.
I'm sure this sounds odd. Maybe even a little delusional. But, what I know is it's comforting to me. Every time I see you, I smile. It's almost as if you're checking in, checking on us and letting us know you're still very present in our hearts and minds. And, maybe just maybe, that is keeping a piece of you here with Momma.
I first truly noticed your presence this week, during a very long meeting at work. Momma was terribly uncomfortable, stuck in a folding chair for four hours, with almost no breaks and way too much water. Bad combination for a woman almost 7 months pregnant. The speaker lost my attention, and I was shifting restlessly in my chair when I looked over and...there you were! I saw your smiling face off to my right, poking out from behind a large planter. It made my heart tingle. It made me feel like I was recapturing the memories and images of you.
What's bittersweet about these brief images is that you're trapped in time. My little, Peanut. Forever just over 1-year old. Forever beautiful, sweet, smiling. Forever an angel.
Peanut, you are everywhere. You are a part of everything I do, everything I feel, every decision I make and every moment of my day and night. Missing you has become my constant state. But, it is now bearable because I can think of you, see you, and smile. Loving you with all my heart. To the moon and back.