Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Rock On, Peanut

'Nutter Butter -

It's been 8 weeks as of today.  Writing to you via this blog has been tremendously therapeutic for me, and has touched a lot of lives.  I started a hand-written journal right after we lost you, but it was SO personal that it allowed my grief and sorrow to wallow rather than heal.  This forum, and my commitment to balance sadness with joyful memories has been the "right" answer for me.  Thank you to everyone who has responded with love and support.

The pictures I'm including today are near and dear to my heart.  I took these while on maternity leave, in November of 2009.  Peanut was NOT a good napper during his first few months.  We struggled since he was so interested in the world around him.  Nothing went unnoticed with that little boy.  One afternoon I had him in our bedroom while folding laundry, and I had just introduced him to his Taggie Blanket (thanks to Sena's recommendation).  In an effort to soothe him, I decided to sing, but couldn't come up with a song.  My fallback was the first song in my head - "Wanted, Dead Or Alive" by Bon Jovi.  For those who know me, I love hair metal.  Seriously.  And, to my delight, so did Peanut!  By the time I finished the song he was napping peacefully.  That's when I snapped these pics.

For those who are asking, I will post more details about "what happened" when I am able.  It's just too raw right now.  Just know, it was sudden, unexplained and a wrinkle in the fabric of all that should be fair in this world.

Peanut, I am holding you in my heart and mind.  To the moooooooooon and back.
- Momma

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