In my professional life I often talk to people about "the power of three." When trying to make a business case, or get someone to remember something important, there is a magic in three. Today, I experienced the power of three in a totally unexpected, unwelcome way - The Grief Triumvirate. The grief over the loss of my wonderful little boy, grief over the loss of my mommyhood and grief over the loss of your promising, exciting future.
It was all triggered by a group of moms, huddled against the early-spring cold at a school bus stop this morning. They were chatting and laughing over coffee while keeping a protective eye over their happy, innocent 6-7 year-olds. It hit me at that moment. I will never get to do this with Peanut. You will never get to wear the bright red Elmo backpack you got on your 1st birthday. Dadda and I will never get to fill that backpack with a book or crayons or a snack.
The grief and sadness settled in like a 300-pound weight on my chest all day. It was hard to breathe. To think, focus, talk, walk. On the drive home tonight I made a decision. Beat it. Combat it. With my own power of three - faith, hope and joy. Faith that you were sent here to make the world a better place, hope that I will honor your legacy and the sun will shine on my soul again, and joy in all the love and memories you brought us in 500 days.
I love you to the moon and back, my amazing little Peanut.