Today is March 12, 2012...30 months since you were born. Below is what today means to Momma.
You should be:
Turning 2 1/2 years old today.
Brushing your own teeth.
Using pronouns when you speak.
Putting on a t-shirt by yourself.
Recognizing your ABCs.
Washing your own hands and drying them too.
Sleeping in a "big boy" bed.
Walking up and down stairs.
Asking Momma and Dadda "Why?" about everything.
More than anything, you should be:
Momma goes back to work for two days this week, and I am just heartsick. Leaving The Bean for the day is simply beyond reason, but it is a reality. And next week I go back to work full time. <long, sad sigh>
I am mourning you. I am mourning the end of maternity leave. I am sad x 2.
But, I am also reminding myself how lucky I am. I have Dadda, The Bean, a wonderful family. And, I have you in my soul. I have more love in my heart today than some people have in an entire lifetime. So, despite the melancholy, I must be thankful. Oh, it is so hard to be positive, but the alternative is unthinkable. I will not be the bitter, sorrow-filled, bereaved Momma. I will honor you and make you proud.
Peanut, I see you passing your joie de vivre on to The Bean. It dances in his eyes. In his almost constant smile. In his surprising, musical laugh. That joy, that sparkle, helps me see the light, the brightness,the positive.
I love you, my little boy who grows day by day in heaven. My little boy who continues to make this world, and this Momma, better. To the moon - and back!