Thursday, February 16, 2012

Baby, You're A Star

Peanut -

Since your death I have constantly felt your presence with us through signs, feelings, sounds, memories.  There have been many quotes, poems, personal connections, images - and all carry the same themes.  Butterflies.  Frogs.  Music.  Stars and constellations.  You have appeared to us in all these forms, and you have also been beautifully, delightfully commemorated through frog statues, butterfly wind chimes and dedicated/named stars.

So cool.  Eternal, in their very earthbound way.

In the last few days Momma has connected with a new friend.  A friend who is also grieving her own very sharp, personal loss.  In our correspondence, she reminded me of an Eskimo proverb that brings all these signs, all these remembrances full circle:

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are with us."

Peanut, when I gaze at the stars, am visited by a frog image, hear the music of our wind chimes, or see a beeeeyoutiful butterfly I truly believe it is an extension of you.  Your larger than life spirit, sent to earth for such a short time, cannot be contained by the bounds of heaven.

Of course you are reaching out, letting Momma know you're still here.  Still laughing and dancing.  Still embracing your froggies.  Still listening for Momma to read your favorite bedtime stories.  Of course.

I now read your favorite stories to your little brother, and have added some new ones.  I know you're listening.  I am reading to both of you.

To the moon and back, Peanut.  My Peanut.  I love you.  I miss you...desperately.

- Momma

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