Saturday, November 5, 2011

Splish Splash

Peanut -

Wow, the last two days have been a whirlwind of activity.  Yesterday we had a string of doctor's appointments - some "normal" baby stuff, and some not-so-normal.  And today we had a beautiful, meaningful, Peanutriffic baby shower for your little brother.  While the lion's share of these activities are bittersweet without you, they have led to a few very positive days.

The doctor's appointments for The Bean have been different since we don't really know how/why you died.  The amazing team at SUDC have compiled a list of recommended tests for for expecting SUDC families and their subsequent (ick, I hate that term) children.  So, this poor little Bean is going to be a bit of a pincushion when he's born.  Until then, Dadda and I had to get EKGs yesterday, and we had a 30-week ultrasound to check-in on the Bean.  We also met with your amazing pediatrician to discuss some additional tests the Mayo clinic can run on YOUR birth blood panels, which is pretty interesting.  While we don't expect earth-shattering answers, it still doesn't hurt to pursue every avenue, right?  We ended the day with the reassuring news that your little brother looks fantastically healthy, and is weighing in at 2 pounds 11 ounces.  Good stuff!

Today's baby shower was a joyful event, attended by immediate family and a few close friends.  It was the first time Momma had seen this group gathered in a room since your Memorial Service.  Stunning.  Peanut, you were everywhere at the shower today.  We all remembered back to your baby shower just over 2 years ago.  Your name filled the room, stories about you abounded, and Aunt Dru and Aunt Colleen had Peanut-nods woven throughout the event.  Tins of mints with bright green, smiling froggies.  Bottles of spring-green hand lotion for all the guests.  The cake was covered with tiny butterflies.  And, a lot of the gifts were Very Hungry Caterpillar themed.  It was...perfect.

One of the first gifts Momma opened was a Fisher Price Fun Tub for bath time.  The sight of it made Momma crack up.  When you were itty-bitty, most of your baths took place in the kitchen sink, but as you grew we moved you into Momma and Dadda's giant, powerjet bathtub.  A bathtub that had no mats, skid strips, traction devices...just a nice, slick surface.  Combine that with baby shampoo and a slick, wet kiddo and WHOOSH! you basically have a slip-n-slide.  I'll never forget your shocked expression, eyes round as saucers, as you slid from one end of the tub and back as Dadda and I tried to get a grip on you.  And never once did you cry or look worried.  Once we finally had you stabilized, you simply gave us that, "Hey! Can we do that AGAIN?!" look.  Hilarious, and perfectly Peanut.

It was so fun to have the chance to share that story - that memory - with all our friends and loved ones at the shower today.   To hear everyone laugh over you, rather than shed tears.  This...this is how it should be, as often as possible.  To remember the joy.  The delight.  The little moments that now mean the world.

Peanut, my heart is full of joy and love.  I so wish you were here physically, but I feel you.  I've felt you all day today.  Sending you buckets of Momma love - to the moon and back!

- Momma

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