Monday, November 7, 2011

The Peanut Connection

Peanut -

Today Momma embraced her new norm.  New reality.  The new Momma I have become.  There wasn't a bolt of lightning, crash of thunder, or even what some might refer to as a pivotal moment.  There was just...a moment.  A question.  And, an answer that felt normal, appropriate.

This afternoon I got to meet the new leadership team I've joined at work, after spending the last several weeks simply communicating via telephone and e-mail.  We all congregated in St. Louis this week to meet in person, and get some planning work done for 2012.  While the main focus of this meeting is work related, there is also a big component of "getting to know you."  To that end, we were all asked to introduce ourselves by sharing whatever we deemed important in our personal and professional lives.

At 30 weeks, it is quite obvious to everyone that I'm pregnant with your little brother.  So, of course, that was a no-brainer to share.  But from there...what?  Hmmmmm.  Then, a question from the room, "Is this your first?"  And just like that I realized, I HAVE to share I have a son.  A Peanut.  A little boy who would be - should be - 2 years and 2 months old.  And, his name is Connor.

I knew this could make the room uncomfortable.  But, it is who I am.  Who we are.  I am Peanut's Momma.  My love, my motherhood, my grief, my tears, my memories - these all define who I am today.  To not reveal the facts about you would feel wrong.  Like denial.  Like a lie.  How could I not share the accomplishment I am most proud of - you?  So, I did.

As we went around the room and continued introductions, I realized something else.  I made an instant connection with someone else in the room.  Another momma who has experienced her own loss.  Different, but similar.  My share opened her up for her own share.  And just like that, a new version of The Peanut Effect came to life.  The Peanut Connection.

Peanut, your far-reaching impacts never cease to stun me.  Amaze me.  Humble me.  Thank you for teaching your momma some of her most important life give, share and love freely, openly, honestly.

My sweet, amazing son.  My Peanut.  I love and miss you sooooooooo much - to the moon, and back.

- Momma

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