Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A Stone Takes Flight

Peanut -

You officially have a butterfly with your name on it.  Well, sort of.  This butterfly is a rather heavy stone, and your name happens to be carved on it.  But, it is perfect.  Its existence, its presence, gives Momma's heart wings.

This memorial is one more way you will live on across time.  It is situated outside the St. Louis Butterfly House, close to a giant carousel and playground.  Momma imagines thousands of children over the years running, skipping, laughing as they dance across your stone.  Some may stop, pause, read.  They might notice the hearts surrounding your name.  Maybe they will think to themselves, "What a pretty stone."  Or, "Look at those hearts - those mean LOVE!"  Or, maybe the older children will do the math and wonder, "Why - how - did he die so young?"

Your name will pass the lips of people who never got to know you and your spirit, your smile.  But they will read your name and know you created a legacy of love.  That a very, very special little boy inspired this stone.

I have to mention in the midst of unveiling of this stone, Momma encountered a tremendous, unthinking act of hurt.  One of the event organizers - who knows about our grief - took one look at Momma last night and asked, "Oh!  Do you know what you're having?"  And she touched my stomach.  The tummy that gave birth to Pickle close to 5 months ago.  Momma's 40 year old tummy.  The tummy I've been trying to work off by running and lifting weights for the last month.  Never mind I was pushing a stroller holding The Pickle.  Never mind I told her about Pickle's birth.  Never mind we were at an event paying tribute to you, your absence, your death.  What a thoughtless, cruel few words she uttered.  One sentence and Momma shut down for the night.  The next day.  Maybe even the next week.

I am now trying to focus on the beauty of the tribute.  The joy of you and your smile.  The hope brought to us by The Pickle.  In short, Momma's heart is trying to fly on the wings of this lovely stone.

Peanut, I wish I weren't so fragile.  I have to remind myself, though, that I cry because I love and miss you so much.  How much?  To the mooooooon and back.

- Momma

Your stone - through the eyes of Instagram.

The Pickle smiling as he sees your stone!

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