Friday, April 13, 2012

Healing Pictures

Peanut -

Momma is testing a new format for your that allows me and the readers to enjoy a full array of Peanut Pics. Few things give me as much pleasure as reviewing your 500 days of pictures.  To see the progression of you - from newborn to infant to toddler.  Always my beautiful little boy.  A little boy who held a world of potential.  Potential never fully realized, dreams cut short.

As your little brother grows bigger and stronger day by day, I find myself creating hopes and dreams for him.  Many of them are the same dreams I had for you.  But, I can't help but wonder, "Can this happen to us again?"  "Am I a fool for thinking about the future?"  "Am I setting myself up for more heartbreak?"

But, I have to dream.  Just as I had to allow my heart to open up and love without reservation.  As I look at the display of your life in pictures, I see the unbridled joy in your smile, and I know part of that is due to the way we loved you on this earth.  Love without fear.  Love without hesitation.  Love that is so strong it grows every day, beyond the boundaries of this world.

That is the type of love we owe The Bean.  And our friends and family.  It is the love I strive to remember and hold onto, even while the pressures of life and work bear down.  When I feel an edge creep into my voice, or a snappy comment lurking beneath the surface, I think of you.  Your smile.  Your laugh.  Your Peanut Hugs.  And I take a deep breath and smile.

Peanut, you make me a better person and Momma every day.  I hope in sharing your story, your pictures and your smile, I can share this gift with others around the world.  Because, my sweet, amazing son, THAT is your Peanut Effect.

I love you.  How much? To the moooooooon and back!

- Momma

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