Friday, November 30, 2012

Losing Another Piece of My Peanut

Peanut -

Zeke is missing.  He has been gone for 3 days, and there has been no sign of him.  Your sweet, rough & tumble kitteh kah...gone.  With no warning.  No good-bye.  This loss has torn Momma's heart to pieces.  It feels so familiar.  Too familiar.

This was YOUR cat.  As long as we had him here, I felt like we had a bridge between time, eras, children.  Zeke knew you.  And he knows your little brother.  Momma could tell he saw the similarities...he sought to interact with The Pickle just like he was constantly drawn in by your gravitational pull.

This loss of Zeke has taken Momma to a strange place.  I find myself wondering, "Are we cursed?  Is it this house?  Has loss just decided to dig in and own us?"

Despite all that, I still have hope.  Flyers were created and printed act that reminded Momma of creating the handout for your memorial service.  Then there were phones calls to all the local Humane Societies and registration with St. Louis Lost Pets.  Oddly, that brought up memories of dealing with the organ donation people in the aw moments after you were pronounced dead.

In the midst of this funk, a quote landed on Momma's radar screen that made me stop and realize...this is life now.  Life is that ridiculous "new normal."  The losses and pain will continue.  My challenge: To continue to strive to seek strength, grace and the potential positive outcomes.  Oh, and the quote:

"She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts." 

- George Eliot

Perfect, right?

Peanut, please send a beacon of light to guide Zeke home if he is still out there, wandering.  Please give him a heavenly hug if he has joined you in that special heaven reserved for children and pets.  Those special beings who love us unconditionally.

I miss and love you bunches of noodles.  How much is that?  Well, it is to the moon - and back.

- Momma

The Zekester

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