What is it with my boys and this strange fascination with Vanna White? (Hey Vanna! April 27, 2011) I mean, I know she's sparkly. And has brilliant white teeth. And lights up large letters with a mere brush of her hand. I get all that. But still...Vanna trumps Momma on a nightly basis. First you and now The Pickle!
Tonight, after giving The Pickle a dinner of pasta primavera, strawberry & beet SUPER PUFFS!!! and a bottle, I left him in the play area to explore and wander while I washed the dishes. In a quiet, still moment I glanced across the room to find a confusing vision of the past and present, Peanut and Pickle, merged into one. The Pickle was standing in front of the television transfixed by Vanna and her shiny blue dress, both hands gripping the gate while he bounced up and down full of grins and giggles. He finally plopped down on the floor only to start clapping his hands for Vanna...just like you.
If it's possible, Momma's heart shattered and healed all at once. Tears and laughter. A smile and a sob. The sound of my breath catching must have alarmed The Pickle. As his little blonde head whipped around Momma remembered and recovered, "Heeeeeeeey Vanna! Whassup girl?!" And, The Pickle broke into a beautiful smile.
Oh Peanut...there you are...right there...in the sunshine of his smile. In the beauty of that moment. In the Momma love in my heart.
Joy and grief, side by side.
With each day that passes, I understand that sentiment more deeply. I know it intimately. I embrace it.
So, beginning tomorrow night and every night after Momma will exclaim at the top of her lungs - HEY VANNA! And I will laugh. And cry. Why? Because I love you. How much???? To the mooooooon - and back!