Sunday, August 5, 2012

The Music of Your Name

Peanut -

Were your ears burning up in heaven today?  I'll bet they were!  Momma and Dadda spent this afternoon telling The Pickle stories about you, sharing wonderful memories, and laughing, laughing, laughing.  Because, that is what your brought to our life.  Joy, love and laughter.

The story session started when we found ourselves at J.J. Twiggs Pizza, the site of one of your famous diaper blowouts.  As we recalled that incident, Dadda and I naturally started remembering and sharing our stories from your other hilarious blowouts, which led to stories about other Peanut antics.  At one point we were both doubled over with laughter, and it hit me - just how far we've come.

This time last year Momma could hardly make it through a Peanut story without breaking down into a puddle of tears.  Locating and holding onto the joy in the midst of that deep fog of grief was simply impossible.

But now I find unspeakable happiness in telling your stories, saying your name, sharing your pictures.  It is one of the great myths that you should avoid asking or talking about someone's child after they have died.  Bereaved parents long to talk about their child.  It shows that people remember.  It helps keep our child alive in the eyes of the world.  It reflects the impact they had on this world.

Peanut, I speak your name and a smile passes across my lips.  I hear music and laughter in your name.  Connor.  Peanut.  My son.

I love you, sweet Connor Peanut.  To the mooooooon and back!

- Momma

Emergency sink bath - post blowout!

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