Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Fingerprints and Gates

Peanut -

Earlier this week your little brother started crawling.  REALLY crawling.  The delightful kind of movement that requires baby-proofing and gates and extra caution.  The milestone that has begged Momma and Dadda to bring out your "gates."

Right after you passed away Dadda and his friends dismantled and stored your gate system while Momma was away from the house.  It was a protective measure, since the gate system was brightly colored,  FUN and such a symbol of you.  And, Momma never tried to look at, or touch, that system over the last 19 months.

Until today.

Today, Dadda brought the gates out of retirement. He set them up, anchored them to the walls, and reconfigured them based on past lessons learned.

It was a good moment, in theory.  We are now ready for a mobile Pickle, right?

And then I saw the gate system.  Oh. Holy. Cow.

The past and present met in a head-on collision.  I saw the bright, primary colored gates and imagined you.  I played the musical buttons and saw you crawling and hitting those buttons with your hands.  I remember you chewing on the toy telephone and kissing the mirror.


You must still be here.

Your fingerprints.  Your saliva.  Your DNA.  It MUST still be here.

I am a crazy Momma.  Peanut, I searched those gates for you tonight.  I looked for lick marks.  Fingerprints.  Anything I could touch, smell, feel.    

In the end I realized, the power is in my head.  In the memories.  Still, I hugged the gates that seemed to carry some of you via schmeered handprints.  I kissed the prominent one and, I swear, I felt you touch the small of my back.  "It's all good Momma.  I'm watching over you and Dadda.  And Pickle." sweet Peanut, I love you.  How much?  To the MOOOOOOOOON and BACK!

- Momma

Check out the cool "gate" system.

1 comment: