Today - September 25 - was your original due date. You, my feisty 'Nut, obviously decided to move the clock up given your actual birth date of 9-12-09. But today is still a pretty significant date for Momma, if for no one else.
Peanut, while everyone else seems to have "moved on" Momma is struggling. Night-time is still petrifying...do I try to sleep, or stay awake all night? I'm doing the bulk of this all on my on own since Dadda can't be home in the evenings due to the restaurant schedule.
The result? These questions that Momma poses to herself every night:
Do I stay up with The Pickle, listening to him on the monitor and checking in every hour?
Or, do I allow myself to rest, hoping there's a Guardian Angel watching over him?
I don't know the right answer. Most nights the answer is a combination of the two.
What I do know is this -
I'm exhausted. I'm bone tired.
And I've hit the point that I can't take care of anyone else until I take care of me. I'm not sure what that means but I do know know I'm done with being "The Rock" for everyone else.
Peanut, this comes on the heels of me seeing the "old Momma" at work today. I just won't stand for it. Your death taught me too much about life, love and priorities. I live to honor you.
It is time to re-prioritize.
I love you sweet boy. To the moon - and back!